


Modern Woman

by take-a-five (sweetcl0ver)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 09:18:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10851003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcl0ver/pseuds/take-a-five
Summary: Dee Reynolds is a modern goddamn woman.





	Modern Woman

Dee Reynolds is a modern goddamn woman. 

She doesn't need her parents' pride or any man's love because she's proud of HERSELF, damn it, and she loves herself more than any dumb guy ever could. She is an entrepreneur (and she DEFINITELY knows what it means, fuck YOU if you think she doesn't), a successful actress, and a small business owner (no matter what Dennis' dumb contracts say. She's been an integral part of Paddy's Pub since the beginning and that's that). 

So what if her father (?) pays her rent and her brother is technically her boss? So what if she makes less than minimum wage and is constantly the butt of everyone's jokes? Deandra Reynolds is on the goddamn way up. She's in the “early life” part of her Wikipedia entry, just before the “major roles” section. So what if people keep deleting her page because she's not a “notable” person? Not YET, bitch, but Sweet Dee is one goddamn audition away from blowing all their tiny minds. 

But while waiting for well-deserved fame to knock on their doors, Modern Women have needs. That's why Dee calls up Ben the Soldier once in a while. He's not much to look at and he doesn't have any money, but his face is bland and inoffensive, and he's definitely in love with Dee (DUH, who wouldn't be?!). 

[line ringing]

“Hello?”

“...Ben?”

“...uh... hello?? is anyone there...?”

“Ben! It's Dee! Can you hear me or what?!”

“Oh! Hi Dee! Great to hear from you! How are ya?”

[heavy exhale] “Finally. Great. I'm great. Uh. How are you.”

“I'm super, Dee! It's just so nice to hear from an old friend!!”

“What do you mean ol-- never mind. Hey Ben, are you doing anything? Maybe I could come visit?”

“Oh, I don't know, Dee, I'd need to clean up first. This place is embarrassing right now, I don't want you to see--”

“Look, I don't care how messy your apartment is. I'm thinking about--”

“YOU might not care, but I would be so embarrassed!”

“BEN. LISTEN. I want you to fuck me. Do you think you can stop worrying about how clean your apartment is long enough to fuck me?!”

“...Oh. Dee. Gosh. Listen, you're really important to me. I didn't realize you felt that way too. Look, I'll get everything ready, and you can come over whenever you're ready, okay? Wow. I can't believe this.”

“... Uh-huh. Okay. See you in ten.”

When Dee knocks on the door at Ben's apartment forty minutes later, he opens it in under five seconds with a nauseatingly cheerful expression. Seriously. Who the hell looks like that? Who the hell even FEELS that emotion past age ten? Whatever. She shoves her way in, slamming the door shut behind her. She ignores the table set with two glasses of wine and two plates full of some home-cooked meal. Maybe it looks good. Maybe it smells good. Maybe it would even taste good. WHATEVER. Modern women don't give a damn about shit like that. Dee shoves Ben back toward his bedroom until he's laying on his back on the mattress, looking up at her with worshipful eyes. Ugh. Pathetic. She takes the minimum amount of clothes off both of them so he doesn't think it's “tender” or whatever, gets the condom on him, and rides him with her eyes closed so she doesn't have to look at his open, vulnerable face. Dee determinedly clears her mind, deliberately thinking about nothing as she gasps and groans above the man who will spend the next week obsessing and despairing about what he did to drive her away. 

***

99.9% of the Gang's schemes are ill-thought-out, completely ridiculous, and set them further back than they were before. That's just a fact. However, it's just possible the billboard model scheme wasn't completely terrible, Dee thinks, because it brought Rex into their lives. Rex, who is willing to go along with anything, no matter how humiliating it might be, for a chance at fame. Rex, who is an extremely attractive man by any standard. Any straight woman or gay man would be attracted to Rex. And Dee is definitely a straight woman. A straight Modern Woman with Needs. 

[line ringing]

“What up!! This is Rex!”

(Jesus Christ.)

“...um, hi Rex. This is Dee.”

“....”

“You know, from Paddy's Pub? Gorgeous blonde actress?”

“Oh... oh! Paddy's Pub! Yeah! I love that place! How's it going, uh... what was it, again?”

“....DEE, asshole.”

“Hey, wait, I'm not an asshole--”

“Then PROVE IT, you fucking workout turkey. Come over to my place and show me you're a real man. I'll text you the address.”

20 minutes later, Rex shows up at Dee's apartment looking like he just got done training six wrestlers. He looks like every masculine ideal Dee's ever seen. Dee absolutely wants to have sex with him. She DOES. That's why she snaps and snarls and yells at him until he fucks her up against the wall of her bedroom. Both of them have their eyes closed – IN CONCENTRATION, because it's SO GOOD, dammit – and when Rex shakes against her and gasps a name that sounds an awful lot like “Mac,” Dee doesn't give a damn, because modern women don't care about that mushy shit. It's not like she was thinking about HIM, either. Rex was a quality lay, and that's all that matters.

***

Men are so FUCKING boring. Goddamn. Dee is so goddamn tired of hanging around her stupid brother and stupid Mac and Charlie and her stupid not-dad every goddamn day. She badly needs some girl time. So what if her last Sex and the City-style gals-night-out hadn't worked out so great? She's learned and grown since then. Nobody's perfect. Okay. Apparently Artemis was in Amsterdam, having the time of her goddamn life, so she was out. That left the Waitress. Ugh, whatever. Dee could put up with her for one night.

[line ringing]

“Hello! This is [static]”

“Uh... hi. This is Dee. I was wondering if you'd want to hang out tonight.”

“...Oh. Hi Dee. Listen, I don't have a car or any money to go out right now so...”

“That's okay. I can come over. Just two lady pals chillin', no big deal. See you at 8, girlfriend!!”

“Wait, I--”

[click]

Dee shows up at the Waitress's shitty new apartment way the hell on the other side of town at 8:45 with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of cranberry juice (for Cosmos).

The Waitress immediately grabs the vodka and pours it down the drain, yelling about how Dee KNOWS about her alcohol problem while Dee shrieks about her being an uptight bitch. Eventually the Waitress mixes them virgin Sprite-and-cranberry-juice drinks, which Dee accepts while grumbling, and they sit down to watch whatever staticky shit is on the Waitress's antenna-only TV service. 

They complain to each other about the bullshit in their lives for a solid hour and a half. Dee is just starting to wonder if this is what friendship is supposed to feel like when she becomes aware of the Waitress leaning very, very close to her. 

She half-heartedly mutters “what are you--” before the Waitress is kissing her, and for the first time Dee doesn't feel like she has to clench down on her stomach and her heart, doesn't feel like shutting her eyes tight and forcing her mind clear of thoughts. It's just... nice. Nice enough that putting her arms around her partner, stroking her hair, her face, feels natural instead of an item on a checklist Dee has to push through in order to mindlessly get off, get out of there, and get home. 

Nice enough that the noises come out of her mouth without her permission, and Dee tries to hide her face in the back of the Waitress's second-hand couch, cheeks flushing. She doesn't know how this is supposed to work when you're not faking your enjoyment so your partner will just get on with it, already.

“It's okay, Dee. I know you, Dee. I know you. It's okay.”

And somehow, it is. Dee grabs her, holds her close, exhaling shakily against her neck. The Waitress kisses her again, slow and comfortable, and then sinks down in front of her between her legs. She makes pointed eye contact with Dee, quirking her eyebrow, until Dee finally exhales, nods, and spreads her legs open.

Goddamn.

This is what it's supposed to be like. Dee finally understands. She has no desire to clear her mind. All her senses, all her awareness is full of the woman in front of her. She has to clamp both hands over her mouth to keep from fucking SCREAMING. 

Yes. 

_Yes._

YES.

Eventually she can't take any more (can't _come_ any more) and desperately taps at the Waitress's shoulder, gasping, begging. They switch places. Dee doesn't have much experience with other women (except for that one time in college... and that other time in college... and the couple of times after college, but she'd been drunk so surely it doesn't count...), but she refuses to let the Waitress win at eating pussy. Dee stays down there until the Waitress is fucking _wailing_ , until the neighbors are banging on the walls and floor and ceiling for them to shut the fuck up.

When she's done screaming her throat raw, the Waitress says Dee can stay the night, if she wants. It's late. She strokes Dee's hair as she says it. Dee can't remember the last time anyone has touched her so gently. She can't remember the last time she's WANTED someone to touch her like that. 

Dee stays the night. Modern women have to stick together.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend to write this but it wanted to be written :-) You can say hi on tumblr at my main, [allophonosaurus](http://www.allophonosaurus.tumblr.com) or my Always Sunny sideblog [take-a-five](http://www.take-a-five.tumblr.com)


End file.
